Si Tenggang’s Homecoming

Sedikit catatan: japgi, dalam kul 3, aku akan bertolak ke Pulau Pinang. Solat Asar di USM, dan pergi straight away ke lapangan terbang. Pastu, berbuka puasa kat sana bersama famili dan rakan-rakan. Flight pukul 9.20, so dalam 8.40 aku masuk kot balai berlepas.

Flight akan stop by di KLIA. Lepak sana lebih satu jam. Dalam 11.40 terbang la ke Heathrow Airport. Dijangka sampai 5.50 petang waktu UK atau 12.50 petang waktu tempatan.

Dalam kesempatan nih, aku nak minta maaf kepada semua. InsyaAllah, ada rezeki kita jumpa lagi tahun depan.

Coming Soon on this blog : Jurnal dari pinggir London. Stay tuned and watch out for more. InsyaAllah.

Amri
2.00ptg, 1 Oct
[Gambar ditangkap dengan kamera baru beli semalam. Senang nak tangkap gambar dan short video kat sana]

So, sometimes I wonder, which one is a better way. To share it, or to keep it to yourself? In term of having food to be eaten, or some holiday vacation, or in term of physical things that you can touch and divide it mathematically or the things that don’t wear out after you use it; that’s of course, something good to be shared. Not in term of stolen things and of course not in the case of sharing a woman. Although at some point, yeah, there’s case of sharing a man, although there’s too much of animosity raised up because of that while at some point, there exist the case of peaceness among both sides but it’s just to lame to be brought up in the air until people just hate the idea of women sharing the same men.

Too much talking about that. It’s totally not my main focus for this entry. My point of giving so many examples above is to differentiate from what I’m gonna talk from now on. Should we share the feelings inside or just keep it to ourself?

When the question revolves on the innerside of human, (of course I’m not talking about the organ, tissue or cells) sharing feelings and emotion cannot be judge in general. There are some people who can simply keep everything, from worst to the best, from totally happy to somberly sad; to themselves and still, they are having a very fine life, not being bothered by the problems and paranoia; so this people are good to live with any ways. Sharing is just an option. It will not hurt them if they don’t.

As I say it cannot be judged generally, so let me state that this is simply my case. And when it is my case, it might be different than yours. And if it is similar in any way, it is still my case, so I might not be able to follow your way (Read: I’m a jerk. I don’t want to keep listening to the idea of people which I have my own thought and I think mine is better than yours). So if that is the case, referring to disability of human following other people’s advise and views, why should we share things with people? It might just lead to more argument, and end by tearing up the so-called friendship-forever just because of different point of views.

But to share is to release the tense inside. To share is to develop a relation and trust. Not to mention, to share is to be blackmailed later on when you share something unacceptable after you thought he/she could be trusted. Like playing innocence, and telling your best friend that you have been dating his girlfriend, and you are regretting it. Usually, if that’s the case, he will call you a _____ (fill in the blank with unappropriate words). In a better case, he punch you at your nose.

To share is also to ask for reaction. Sometimes I tell my friend that I feel sad, so that he can cheer me up. Sometimes you tell something to be appreciated. That is why a nerd stays a nerd (referring to bookworm who does not mix with people). Because when you share something with them, they don’t give the reaction you expect. Or maybe I should state that it is not the case of nerd in general, as I was a nerd and it is like insulting my previous me, but I don’t think that’s really insulting as I was not a person who did not show the reaction people wanted, but that is just what I thought and I didn’t know what people really think, so it’s better to play safe and take back what I said about the nerds. If someone just don’t give any reaction, or contradict what you hope, he’s the last person you want to share something, or maybe not in your list any longer. Such as telling your friend that you have just lost RM10, and he says ‘great!’ and giving you such a boring look until you wonder whether he is giving his sympathy or he is saying ‘you’re stupid’ in his heart, and force you to think that he’s sorry for you so that people don’t call you paranoid, which is totally sucks because you are already paranoid by thinking that way.

Okay, I’m sleepy as it is already 2 in the morning. And to share this thoughts, some people might think I’m a little bit insane to write in a way of going in winding road before reaching the end point. But hey, I just in the mood of sharing something. And simply in mathematical imagination, my mood is just in cosinus graph with no end [Math students will say, you should just state it this way from the very beginning:) ]

[Pix from http://www.onetreehillcentral.org/]

Malam ni, baru aku rasa tenang skit. Aku amik baju2 dalam almari dan letakkan diluar. Mula nak pack barang skit demi skit. Sekurang2nya bleh la perasan, apa yang tak beli lagi. Baju Melayu tak lupa. Walaupun aku bercadang untuk utamakan lecture, tapi manalah tahu, dah tiba saat2 nak raya, terasa nak turun Malaysian Hall. Susah plak.

Petang tadi, aku cakap kat mak aku. ‘Sejak beberapa minggu kebelakangan ni, susah nak senyum’, merujuk kepada keadaan aku yang agak ‘pathetic’. Mak aku balas ‘Biasalah, dunia,.. baharu..’.

Perasaan aku ketika ini, agak kosong. Nak cakap excited giler2, tak juga. Nak kata sedih pun, tidaklah sangat. Mungkin sebab baru nak recover dari penat balik dari KL. Kat KL, aku cam cuti2 Malaysia. Mana taknya, walaupun aku boleh pendekkan waktu perjalanan, kebanyakan pengangkutan awam yang aku naik melencong ke sana sini.

Dimulai dengan hari yang teruk pada Isnin. Kononnya aku nak amik visa petang tu, sebab UK Visa Application Center hanya bagi amik dari kul 4.30 ke 5.30. Aku naik bas dari SP, bas tu berhenti Butterworth. Dah la bertolak lewat setengah jam. Pastu dia berhenti lagi Ipoh dan Tapah. Alamatnya, aku terpaksa cancel niat aku nak amik visa petang tu. Aku straight gi UIA. Muzaini (x-SMKM, UIA-Econs) amik aku kat Terminal Putra Gombak. Malam tu aku lepak kat bilik dia. Sempat la jumpa Joanna(runner USM waktu LLM, UIA Aikol) jap. Sembang2 skit.

Muzaini bagitau kengkadang Pak Guard UIA gigih (takrifkan ikut persuratan bahasa Kedah) check kad matrix. Tu sebab dia gi amik aku naik motor. Tak kena tahan. Esoknya plak, aku cadang nak terus ke Putrajaya dari Terminal Putra (tukar di KL Sentral naik ERL) sebab nak avoid trafic walopun ada bas str8 dari UIA ke KL. Naik bas je la, sbb Muzaini ada kelas. Tengah2 tunggu bas, alih2, kereta Pak Guard berhenti kat bus stop. Dia memula gi kat 2 orang budak yang berpakaian agak tidak kemas, mintak kad matrix. Aku cam cuak dah. Otak dah ligat mencari idea. Nak tipu ke, nak cakap yang betul? Alih2, bas datang. Aku terus la cabut naik bas tu. Tengok2 bas tu gi KL terus. So, melencong lagi la aku pagi tu.

Gi KPT okey, aku naik bas. On the way balik, aku ternaik bas yang berpusing2 kat pejabat kerajaan dan kawasan penempatan sebelum balik ke stesen ERL. Abih 40 minit gak aku dalam bas tu. Memang dah takdir aku untuk tengok sekitar Malaysia ni puas2 kot sebelum fly. Aku terima seadanya.

Dipendekkan cerita, aku dapat kedua2 benda yang aku nak. Dan aku balik umah. Sampai umah pun dah kul 12 mlm. No wonder la kenapa aku masih letih pagi tadi.

But I’ve learnt something from Muzaini. Lepas sahur ari Selasa, aku cakap kat Muzaini, ’seems like my disastrous day continue’ (ayat ni telah diubahsuai skit). And he didn’t like the idea of me being that negative. And then I realise, for this whole time, I always be negative. Sikap aku yang merangka2 kemungkinan ini dan itu bukan meletakkan aku dalam keadaan berjaga2, tapi paranoid.
So, I change it. Not a disastrous day, but it’s another challenging day. It is always challenging. That’s life, isn’t it??

Dear friends,

Aku baru je balik dari KL, amik visa.
So, aku dah call, ty Cik Nina Human Resource USM.
Ni tarikh aku berlepas:-

Ahad, 1 hb Oktober
Penang 9.20 mlm
KLIA 11.40mlm (kalo x silap)
Sampai Heathrow Airport 5.50pg (waktu UK), 12.50tgh hari (waktu Malaysia)

Yang penting, dalam kapal terbang aku bleh makan sebab kapal terbang menuju ke barat, so, cam melarikan diri dari matahari, jadi malam lama skit.

Sorry ar pada kengkawan semua di USM sbb aku x sempat nak lepak2 ngan korang. Rabu aku nak urus bank. Rehat sebab letih balik KL pun x hilang lagi nih. Khamis, aku akan turun USM, amik barang2 kat Rumah Antarabangsa. Tak dapat la nak jumpa semua. Aku akan singgah school sekejap, International Office sekejap dan beberapa tempat lagi. InsyaAllah kalo ada rezeki, kalau tak jumpa, tahun depan kita jumpa lagi yek.

Kalo sesapa nak gi hantar aku kat airport (Mahadi, anda diwajibkan!!!), bleh la berbuka puasa kat airport. Bawak la makan bungkus, atau kalo korang nak jimat, bleh bgtau aku, aku suruh mak aku masak lebih skit. Selalunya bleh check in awal sejam. So, dalam 8.45 aku masuk kot balai berlepas.

Pada yang lain2, wish me luck.

Kepada yang tetiba cam tak faham apa yang berlaku (disebabkan tak baca blog aku), aku akan sambung MSc kat Brunel University West London. Setahun jer, InsyaAllah.

Beberapa minit lagi, buka posa untuk 1 Ramadhan. Tadi aku duk mengajar mak bapak guna webcam. Aku dah beli webcam, 2 set. Satu RM50. Beli mikrofon skali. Bukan apa, senang nak contact kat sana. Dan bleh la mengurangkan rindu nanti2. Ye tak. Plus aku nak tunjuk la yang walaupun jauh, tapi tak susah nak communicate.

Pagi td gi bundle. Beli kasut kulit. Oklah. Dapat jimat dah kat situ. Beli tiket sbb esok aku nak turun KL skali lagi, amik visa.

Tadi baca skit Shahrill post dalam Bulletin Board bertajuk ‘Monthly Survey : ALMOST Correct! scary….’. Post fasal ciri-ciri orang bulan tertentu. Aku baca la yg bulan Sept punya.

JANUARY TALKER
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to take things at the center. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them MFE.

FEBRUARY SMARTS
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed
demon.
Has more than one best friend.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH CUTIE
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
travelling. Systematic. hot and has brains.

APRIL GORGEOUS
Drop dead gorgeous!!!Attractive personality.Very!
sexy.Affectionate & Secretive. Naturally honest,
generous and sympathetic.Chatterbox! Loves to
talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable
kisser! Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most
way possible! Loves to get noticed! Willing to take
risks for others. Makes good choices. Has a great
fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with
others * wink wink*. Outgoing and crazy at times!
Intelligent. Can sometimes be a heartbreaker! Can
love as much as possible! Hates insults. Loves
compliments! Just one of the clumsiest people you
will ever meet. A very big flirt! Trustworthy.
Appreciative and returns kindness. The best in bed
out of MFE these months!! Hardly shows
emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant
and assesses others.

MAY FREAK
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike
being at home. Restless. having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited.

JUNE SHYNESS
Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls
LOVE you.
You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and
to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s
feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never
forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary
things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully. Caring and
loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods
about the past and the old friends. Waits for
friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover.

JULY FLIRT
You’ve got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
and more than likely have a very attractive
partner. a wicked hottie.like somebody with an
august birthday. It is also more than likely
that you have a massive record collection. You
have a great choice in films, and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you’ve got the looks for it!!!

AUGUST ATTITUDE
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every
thing’s peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming"
or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter.

SEPTEMBER LOVER
Hella sexy, loves sex n makin luv, tends to be
SOOOOO hott!!Active and dynamic. Decisive and
haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.you are a great match with some body
in july.

OCTOBER BABE
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the centre. Great in bed.Inner
and physical beauty. Doesn’t pretend. Gets angry
often. A meaningful love life partner. Makes right
choices.
Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Does not harm
others.
It is all about love and fairness.Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Horny but does fullfill
Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions.
Know what to do to have fun.
Unpredictable.Someone to have close to you.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all.

NOVEMBER HOTTIE
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the
greatest men are born in this month. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind.

DECEMBER BEAUTY..
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.

Kita tengok September sekali lagi. Yang warna hijau tu, aku tambah

SEPTEMBER LOVER
Hella sexy, loves sex n makin luv (REALLY?) , tends to be
SOOOOO hott!!Active and dynamic. Decisive and
haste but tends
to regret.(Yup, I always regret for the past) Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention(Yeah, totally). Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems.(And create problems also actually)
Brave and fearless (Not really. That’s not my case). Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love (Again?). Emotional (That is Shila Debat, cuz she’s September also).
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand (This statement actually tells that September people are not that sexy. Coz only their lover may notice. Hello? Memang la your lover will notice something sexy about you. That’s general).you are a great match with somebody
in july.

Okeh, dah nak berbuka. Ayah aku dah panggil. Chow!

Trust me, for previous weeks, I don’t even care about leaving friends and family. Bukanlah hati ni keras, tapi I don’t have time to care about those things as there’s A LOT of tasks need to be done. I could list it down, but enough of too much whining on the net.

Semalam aku masih lagi kat KL. Buat visa. Sampai subuh2 kat Pudu, sepupu aku, Fikri amik gi lepak kat tempat dia kat MPIK. Dia meniaga kat situ. 7.30 dia antar gi Putra. Aku gi ke Wisma MCA Jalan Ampang. Dipendekkan cerita, aku dah kat Putrajaya (skip ar). Aku tumpang balik ke area KL dengan Kak Sharidah yang aku kenal kot internet (hasil dari YahooGroups untuk bebudak yang gi BTN ari tu). Seronok bersembang dengan dia, terutama bab2 kitorang rasa tertekan untuk menguruskan bebenda ni. Kepada rakan2 yang akan mengalami proses yang sama, aku ucapkan, ‘bersedialah korang mengalami antara saat2 paling tertekan dalam hidup korang’. Er, bebudak yang gi undergrad overseas tak rasa semua ni, sebab dah ada orang urus k.

Tapi sejak Kak Khalidah call petang tadi, aku dah terasa sikit. Sebelum tu, kak aku (dia datang USM sbb nak cari bahan rujukan) pun mention, lagi seminggu aku nak fly. Aku macam, ‘ha ah, baru aku betul2 perasan’. Ditambah plak bila aku dapat tau VISA aku dah approve. Seminggu je lagi aku akan berada di bumi yang asing. Er, dah mula sedih nih.

Pagi tadi lak, lepas dapatkan sign dekan sebagai saksi, aku copy lagu dari steno Timb Dekan (Bleh x buat camtu? [ Baca dengan gaya ranggi] ). Pastu Dekan tegur, ‘ha amik lagu raya ka? Nanti kat sana dengar la lagu ‘di hari raya, terkenang daku kepada si dia”. Dekan aku seperti menyanyi. Waah, baru aku betul2 tersedar, raya tahun ni, mungkin aku sambut dengan kuliah.

As the uncertainties wipe out. And the blurry comes to  clear, I’m now finally announce that I will be leaving to UK around 1st of October. I’ll tell you the exact date later after I got the ticket. Not forget to mention, that it’s all by the God’s will.

American Heritage Dictionary define jerk as ‘ a foolish, rude, or contemptible person’. Dalam Bahasa Melayu, kita panggil ‘orang yang teruk’ kot. I quote part of a sentence from Shahrill’s blog entitled Back To Basic (Part II) : Pyjama & Pillow Boulevard stated that ‘people like me DON’T mingle with jerks!’

It seems like this people who we call jerks exist everywhere. But sometimes I wonder, as I am calling the other people as a jerk, who is calling me with the same name?

Back in 1990s where I wasn’t 172cm but my BMI is better than now, I cross a scene of my friends saying bad about me. I am jerk on their eyes. Was I innocent back then, or I was already guilty from the very beginning?

Different Culture

Living in a different culture may change us a little bit. Hari tu waktu balik kg, aku gi pasar malam. Tengah bawak motor, tetiba ada asap datang dari mana tah. Jadi, aku kaih2 depan hidung aku seperti gaya ‘eu, gross’ yang banyak dalam cerita-cerita remaja dari barat. Muzaini tegur, ‘jangan buat macam tu kat sini’. I got his point of saying that. It’s just to avoid me being looked by the other people as weirdo or simply a jerk. Not to be seen as a village guy who just live in city of Penang for few years but when I came back to the village, I cannot stand a little bit of smoke caused by open-fire flame.

Culture is something which alter human perspective. Imagine a boy raised up by a very strict family won’t be able to accept such people who break the rule easily. In his eyes, that kind of people is a jerk, and the same thing happen to him.

In a culture which people tend to talk freely (mulut tak bertapis), the local might find it very usual but people from different state feel offended. Dah melangkah usia 22 tahun, genapla 11 tahun aku tinggal kat Kedah selepas 11 tahun duk kat Perak dulu. I was brought into Kedah at the age of 12. And one of my perspective which remains up until now is Kedah people is more root in compare to the place I lived before. I know that this is not statistically right. Maybe wrong at all. And maybe I cannot just judge like that.

But the reason I came up with this idea is because I ‘was’ irritated with some people before. To look back what had happen, I realise that they are not totally jerk. I was the one who cannot adapt with them.

… [finish abruptly because I have finish downloading Amazing Race 10, first episode from computer lab, and it so cold here, and I need to prepare for my short so-called vacation tomorrow to KL for visa application and asking some question in Putrajaya. Chow]

Jam dah kul 2 pagi. Kat rumah skang nih. Esok nak balik USM untuk uruskan bebenda tu (dah malas aku nak sebut [baca dengan nada bosan + frust]). Shila tanya bila nak celebrate birthday dia + kimi. Dani (Math) lak ajak aku main bowling esok. Aku baru je balik dari rumah kak aku petang tadi. Gi rumah dia sebab nak mintak sign jadi penjamin.

I’M SICK! Aku penat dengan menguruskan nak fly nih. Kalau bukan sebab aku dah penat2 dari dulu + Dekan aku setuju, mungkin aku pertimbangkan dulu nak fly tahun ni ke x. Berapa banyak kuliah yang aku miss sebab aku duk urus benda nih. Miss sebab gi taklimat. Miss sebab gi BTN. Aku cakap kat Wak Rin waktu kuliah Sabtu, ‘Wak Rin, kalo aku tetiba x jadi fly, aku nak ajak hang study setiap malam sepanjang Ramadhan ek’. Seperti yang aku selalu cakap (atau taip), bebenda fly ni bukan sesenang hati cam balik kg je. Nak kena buat ni dan itu. Skali ader benda yang tersangkut, macamana mau fly?

Nada kebosanan aku ni bukannya apa. Mengenangkan ada satu masalah yang agak major muncul skang ni. Malas ar nak kongsi dengan semua. Tapi kalo x kongsi pun, korang tanya gak bila jumpak aku. Tapi aku still x mau bgtau. Kekadang geram gak aku dengan ‘weekend’. Time2 weekend ni, satu dunia pakat2 cuti. Dah tu, aku nak urus bebenda aku pun susah.

Mana nak fikir fasal nak gi buat Visa lagi. Argh…

[Break gi minum air]

Sepanjang ari ni aku asyik duk fikir fasal benda ni. Pastu dengan assignment Dr Rahni, Dr Yahya, assignment Dekan lagi. Mungkin betul gak cakap Saberi (satu kumpulan dengan aku waktu BTN ari tu), aku perlu fokus. Tak bleh grab dua-dua. Ni, duk fikir nak fly, duk fikir nak buat assignment lagi. Cuma, aku takut jer. Kot2 wujud masalah2 yang menghalang aku dari fly (cth:= visa x lulus ke, duit lambat dapat ke). Argh.

Tahap kenegatifan aku sangat tinggi nih. If too much thinking doesn’t work the problem out. If too much analysing live me breathless. Maybe skang masanya untuk ikut cara Abang Tra plak kot. Kalo ada masalah - tidur. Aku nak tidur japgi. Bangun subuh dan nak tidur balik sampai tengah hari.

[Klik lagu All-American Reject - Move Along sebelum post blog dan shut down pc]

Bagus gak lirik dia

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking [Memang aku banyak buang masa berfikir je]
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you’ve had your fill of sinking [Dah rasa tenggelam nih]
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold [Tolong aku....]

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along, move along

Yeah, it’s time for me to move along…..

[Break edit gambar]

Ha…. rasa lega skit lepas tulis blog. We move along!!!!

Beberapa hari lepas di Khalil depan USM, aku dan beberapa budak debat lain memulakan sesi melepak macam biasa. Terkeluarlah satu topik. What if someone who we are going to marry is currently nice but turn out to be a jerk months after we tie the knot.

Maka berdebatlah kitorang dekat meja tu. Isu utamanya mudah. Meramal masa depan (meramal bukan dalam konteks guna ilmu hitam ke apa ek, jangan salah faham lak).

Bagi aku, life is about taking risk (tak hanya pada kes perkahwinan saja). Buat la apa pun, sama ada nak ubah kerja mahupun ubah course, semuanya mempunyai risiko tersendiri. Maka apakah penilaian yang perlu diambil untuk membuat sesuatu keputusan?

Melihat kemungkinan yang akan berlaku adalah sesuatu perkara yang sihat. Kadangkala perlu juga mencari kelemahan yang bakal muncul, masalah yang bakal dihadapi. Cuma kalau dari segi mathnya, lihat pula kebarangkalian masalah tu akan muncul. Kalo probabilitynya kecil, mungkin boleh diabaikan memandangkan dalam hidup, apa2 je pun bleh jadi. Kalo dah nak kena kat kita, nak buat camna.

Tapi untuk terlampau paranoid, mungkin mengakibatkan kerugian. Bayangkanlah kalau kita terlampau fikir masalah2 yang akan timbul dalam ambil sesuatu tindakan, dan kita melepaskan peluang tersebut. Tak ke rugi tu.

Heh, pendekatan ni la yang aku amik untuk menguatkan lagi semangat aku nak fly. Mana taknya, dah dekat 10 minggu aku kat USM buat Master. Pastu senang2 hati jer nak gi ulang benda yang sama kat UK, sedangkan kat sini pun okey gak. Antara benda yang aku fikir. Dulu2 waktu masuk Tingkatan 1, aku dapat tawaran SMS Mat Jiwa, SP. Tapi aku tak pergi. Sebab memang tak nak (tak mau dok asrama). Tapi skang aku dah berminat nak try something new. Nanti kalo aku x amik peluang ni, aku takut aku menyesal lak bila aku tua esok. Walaupun hidup kat dunia ni sementara, tapi apa salahnya buat benda yang tak salah, ye x?

Aku dah call Cik Nina HR, dan dia bagitau KPT dah lulus. Pastu aku gi jumpak Dekan, dan dia cakap okey. So, lepas ni, aku akan uruskan VISA, bayar deposit penginapan yang sebanyak 200 pound (aku kena dahulukan duit aku dulu kot, takut nanti sampai sana xder tempat lak), dan uruskan bebenda lain.

Tapi aku sentiasa bear in mind la yang aral bleh melintang bila2 masa jek. So, aku cadang untuk attend lagi kuliah minggu depan. Supaya kalo tetiba tercancel, aku still bleh catch up. Mungkin korang terfikir2 la, apsal la aku cam x brapa confident jer nak cakap aku ‘akan’ fly. Itu disebabkan benda ni banyak prosedur. Bukan cam nak masuk USM dulu. Kalo cancel hanya disebabkan terhilang mood untuk study.

Kali ni aku tulis pendek jer. Nak gi layan nasi beriani kat Selera Murni.