Si Tenggang’s Homecoming

This is the 300-th post. Including 24 posts that I’ve been saving as draft. Sesetengahnya aku rasa kurang menarik, dan sesetengah lagi sama ada tidak habis ditulis ataupun sesuatu yang aku simpan buat diri aku sendiri.
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Salah satu post yang aku tulis bertajuk 6 bulan (for myself), report bulanan aku yang aku hanya simpan untuk diri sendiri. Aku tampal(paste) balik apa yang aku tulis sebab aku rasa apa yang aku tulis dahulu mempunyai maksud yang mendalam…
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_______________________________________________________30/3/2007

Officially, Ahad ni baru genap 6 bulan aku kat sini. Tapi, aku nak
start buat sedikit kesimpulan akhir bulan yang aku dah buat sejak aku
kat sini lebih awal sebab hari ni merupakan hari terakhir semester.

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This week is the hectic week, tapi minggu ni merupakan antara minggu yang aku suka sejak aku berada kat sini.

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Life is hard, so?

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Aku ketawa dengan diri aku. Kalau bukan disebabkan subjek kat si
ni
lebih sukar, aku tak berpeluang untuk merasai kehidupan normal orang
belajar. Kat sini, aku buat assignment last minute, semalam berjaga
dari petang (bangun waktu Zohor) sampai pukul 9 pagi, lepas tu gi tido
kat bilik Chris dan berjaga lagi dari kul 1 sampai sekarang. Aku study
last minute untuk test, baca satu topik dalam bas, 30 minit sebelum
test bermula, dan Tahir terangkan kepada aku dalam 10 minit sebelum
test.

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Assignment yang aku dapat 1 bulan awal, dicuba buat 2-3 hari sebelum
deadline (assignment yg hantar pagi tadi). Aku blur, dan tak tahu nak
mula camna. Dan aku tak der keyakinan nak tanya bebudak Austria sebab
walaupun diterangkan, aku masih tak faham.

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Oh, my God, my Dean is so gonna kill me if he read this. But here’s
the point, I’ve been cherished with lucks before, in SPM, in KMPP and
even USM, and God knows how I took all of that bless for granted. Now
I’ve realised, it’s not about my effort, it’s about Allah’s gift. Guess
that is what I was forgetting a lil bit.

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Haa.. writing this would be the hardest thing I ever do. It’s not
easy to admit my flaws. But I hope it meant something for people who
read my blog.

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…

____________________________________________________THE END

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I’ve learnt from my conversation with Awin (KMPP) back then in matriks (Awin, do you still remember this?). We are talking about failed and kicked-out student. How I express my thought saying that some people are having that kind of trouble because
they didn’t have enough effort and good study technique.
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Awin denied me by saying, ‘It isn’t true. Everything come from Allah …’.
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Of course I did not said ‘no’ to that statement. But to really feel it, it was here that I’ve learnt those thing. Been reading a note for like 10 times and still don’t get it, and finally understand 12 weeks after semester started during term break.
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I saw that the reason I was whining all over again in my blog few months ago, saying about how hard my life was; was because I couldn’t feel the fact that life is not in our hand. Sometimes we try to fix it but it doesn’t mean that it can always be fixed without His grant.
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And today, I got my result for my final exam (I got only 1 final exam). Didn’t turn out amazingly great(comparing to my friends), but I’m happy to know that I passed it all. I’m not sure what’s in store for me in the future with this grade. I mean, whether I will still have the full-ride to PhD or not, BUT any way, I am feeling happy.

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My prayer had been answered. I had a tough life that was still much better than some people. All I can do is feel thankful for His bless.
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I was wondering, what topic should I write for my 300-th post as I wanted it to sound special. And at this moment, I guess what’s more special than this?

Now it’s time to work on with my dissertation and keep this thing going!

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