Si Tenggang’s Homecoming

It’s over a week since I arrived. And it was only a night I was able to sleep. Malam-malam lain???? Berjaga sepanjang malam sampai sahur. Lepas Subuh baru tidur. It sucks! Then I woke up at nearly 2pm, so that explains why I didn’t really change the routine.
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Life is a lil bit confusing. I’m started to become nervous about my PhD. I can’t even talk much about it even when Mahadi asked about it. It’s kinda scary, honestly.
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It’s 2.58am, and I know I need to start revising my material in order to make a proposal. Aaah, I can’t share with ppl this stuff. It’s too demoralizing. No, not because people demotivate me (in fact, they inspire).
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[Lagu latar: Backstreet Boys- Inconsolable]

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Perut aku mengada-ngada. Posa kat UK tak pulak nak angin lebih-lebih. Kat sini, nak berbuka dengan nasik pun takleh. Pergi buka kat Pizza Hut dengan bebudak debat - okey jer. Aaaaargh. Aku tak tahu apsal perut aku takleh masuk nasik, nanti dia mengkelan (losing the appetite caused by angin).
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Everything is so damn right but I feel so wrong.
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‘Am, dah dah. Gi study. Then you can distract yourself in the right way’, aku memberi nasihat kepada diri sendiri.

Kelmarin aku pergi USM. Sesampainya di USM, aku pergi potong rambut terlebih dahulu. Maka pendeklah rambut aku sekarang. Rasa cam pelik sikit pun ada sebab dah 1 tahun tak potong rambut, tetiba jer rambut pendek lak. Nampak cam waktu kat USM dulu jer sebab memang rambut aku selalu pendek kat USM. Nasib baik ader misai dan janggut, kalo tak lagi nampak cam budak-budak.

Aku pergi ke Human Resource USM dulu. Berbincang apa-apa yang patut. Pastu ketika aku nak pergi Sg 2, terjumpa dengan Muzem dan Ayu (2-2 x-USM Biologi, Ayu buat Master skang kat USM gak). Diorang start dengan ‘Hi Am. Can you still speak Bahasa Melayu?’. Aku gelak jer, disusuli dengan jawapan dalam loghat Kedah.

Ayu tanya aku, ‘Macammana rasa balik sini’. Dia gelak sebab dia baca blog aku, dan dia tahu la apa yang aku rasa. So kiranya takleh la nak menipu cakap, ‘okey!’.

Anyway, diorang tanya ‘what’s next?’. Soalan yang aku tak berapa berani nak jawab. Bukan aku jer, kalo korang tanya penerima-penerima biasiswa yang sama pada ketika begini, agak takut jugak nak jawab sebenarnya. Sebab kesnya tidaklah semudah nak buat Ijazah. Memula kena cari potential supervisor, pastu kena apply, pastu kena rujuk Dekan Pusat Pengajian, pastu kena tengok KPT terima ke tak, pastu kena tengok time kena ke tak, pastu kena tengok sempat ke tak nak fly etc.

Honestly, kepada pembaca blog aku, aku nak bagitau la yang aku nak cuba fly balik dalam bulan 1 ni. Tapi disebabkan percanggahan fakta yang banyak (yang ni cakap lain, yang tu cakap lain), aku sendiri pun tak sure macammana. Aku tengah menunggu result disertasi Master. Kalo semuanya okey, walau apapun terjadi, aku akan sambung PhD jugakla tak kira di mana pun, dapat sponsor ataupun tidak.

Anyway, aku kemudian keluar melepak dengan bebudak debat - Kimi, Shila, Pidin dan Zali, berbuka kat Pizza Hut Queensbay dan kemudiannya makan lewat malam kat tengah Georgetown dengan Kak Khalidah dan Nurul (USM Bati). Jumpa Dzul Fahmi (USM-Bio Master) kat Tekun dalam kul 4.

Pastu drive balik rumah dalam kul 4 pagi dan sampai terus sahur pada jam 5 pagi.

Perhatian:Nombor di tajuk bukanlah nombor aku
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Ha ha, apa la punya tajuk. Aku dah beli no baru untuk phone. Cari secara rawak jer nombornya. Tengok no 012 sampai RM20. No 017 hanya RM8.80 sahaja. Peduli apa nombor mula 012, janji murah sikit dah okey.
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Kombinasi nombor-nombor kat kedai kat SP Plaza tu pun tidaklah menaikkan semangat pembelinya. Aku fikir mudah jer - lantaklah kalo nombor tak cantik pun, nanti orang simpan dalam handphone bukannya perasan pon. So, aku fikir mudah, just cari nombor yang senang ditekan. Sekurang-kurangnya kalo mak aku call guna phone rumah, senang la sikit dia tekan.
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Terjumpa la dengan nombor akhir 6749. Aku tengok-tengok - oh, ni kalau nak tekan okey gak sebab dia jadi bentuk cam pangkah. Lepas tu aku cuba-cuba nak tiru style perkataan. Contohnya cam talian American Idol
1-866-43657-01 atau 1-866-IDOLS-01
Perkataan IDOLS tu dibentuk
dari nombor 43657. Rujuk gambar atau handphone korang untuk lebih kepastian.
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So, aku pun try nak reka-reka nombor aku
6-MNO
7-PQRS
4-GHI
9-WXYZ

Errr… yang aku dapat hanyalah ORGY.
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So call me at 017-478-ORGY. Ha ha ha…
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Perhatian:Nombor di atas bukanlah nombor aku. Saja taknak publish kat sini atas tujuan privacy.
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Shahrill, I’m waiting for your kick a** comment.

Aku pergi Subuh, ikut ayah dan mak aku. Kak dan anak murid dia On (pronounced as ‘own’) pun ikut sekali. Aku bukanlah rajin sangat pergi Subuh kat masjid (boleh rujuk Mahadi untuk pengesahan), tapi dah ala-ala balik UK nih, pergi jer laa. Aku tertanya-tanya, ni niat nak pergi ni sebab apa ni? Sebab balik UK ke? Tak kot. Harap-harapnya tak.
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Tapi yang bestnya ialah berkenaan dengan penampilan. Ayah aku sound sikit waktu sahur. ‘Nak pergi masjid ni, suruh mak potong sikit rambut belakang tu’. Aku gelak. Kenapa? Bukanlah sebab aku sayang sangat nak potong, tapi perlu ke kalut-kalut camtu. Aku membaca fikiran ayah aku, aku gelak. ‘Ha ha, abah takut nanti orang cakap anak Ramli balik dari UK - rambut panjang! yek?’ aku berseloroh dengan ayah aku.
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Aku tahulah masyarakat di sini. Itulah sebabnya aku cakap dengan Mahadi, ‘kalau balik nanti, bukannya boleh buat pelik-pelik sikit, nanti orang cakap - wah, mentang-mentang balik dari London!’. Aku tersenyum. Bagi aku betul juga pemikiran orang lain yang macam itu. Kalau dah tiba-tiba saja berubah, kena angin-angin perantauan la tu.
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Aku mengadu panas sikit pun kak aku cakap berlagak. Kenapa? Orang Malaysia pun mengadu panas jugak kan? Waaa (ha ha ha).
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Sebelum keluar dari rumah, aku capai seluar jeans yang aku pakai malam sebelum tu. Seluar jeans yang dah koyak tapi mak aku dah jahit 6 bulan lepas. Aku pakai pergi terawih malam sebelum tu.
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Mak aku nampak aku nak pergi Subuh dan dia suruh tukar. ‘Apsal tak pakai kain (pelekat)?’. Soalan yang sama ditanya oleh abang aku diajukan.
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‘Tak maulah, tak selesa’, jawapan yang sama aku berikan. Aku biasanya terasa macam kain pelekat tu boleh terlondeh kalau terhilang ketatnya, atau tersadung. Tak pernahla nampak pun kes camtu, hanya perasaan jer.
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Sesampainya aku di masjid, semua orang pakai kain, kecuali sorang budak kecik tu (dan anak murid kak aku yang pakai seluar baju melayu). Aku jer pakai seluar slack cerah, setelah tidak dibenarkan memakai jeans koyak berjahit itu.
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Aku cakap kat kak aku, ‘lain kali nak pergi masjid pakai seluar jeans tu’, melepaskan sedikit geram tetapi aku tahu aku tidak akan melakukannya….
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Quote sikit perenggan 4 sajak Si Tenggang’s Homecoming
travels made me
a seeker who does not take
what is given without sincerity
or that which demands payment from beliefs
the years at sea and the coastal states
have taught me to choose
to accept only those who tested by comparison
or that which matches the words of my
ancestors
which returns me to my village
and its perfection

Last 24 hours, I wrote the post entitled ‘Si Tenggang’s Homecoming’. Probably I feel better now compared to last 24 hours. It feels good when everyone keep sharing their thoughts and their experience of missing those good days of their own - Muzem and Avie Eicca aka Marina. Like I said, it is just a phase I need to go through. And yea, the song really suit the mood, Rahyla.
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I feel fine. Although I start to pinpointing some differences like it is all a big matter - like they don’t do tasbih in between of tarawih prayer in UK, and how long we have time to chill out before Isyak as Maghrib is around 7.15 in UK, Isyak is 9.00++. Guess that I just want to talk some of the memories there.
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Other than that, I started to remind myself of my friends over here. Muzaini should be coming back soon and a Pokemon Duel should be fun. I just chat a lil bit with Kimi telling him that I’m gonna drop by in USM. And he is like always, asking for the ’survenir’ I promised him last time I came back.

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Someone called me after Iftar. My dad told her that I was praying. And she didn’t call after that. But my parents simply conclude, ’she is asking for Am, so it means that she is your USM friend’. Well, kinda neat to have multiple name used for multiple group of people (Upi for SMKM and before, Lutfi for Aras 2 C1 in KMPP including Shahrill and Dzul, Am for KMPP to USM, and Amri is for UK friends).

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Probably this time around, it feels strange
because one of my best friends is already in UK and the other one is going to UK this Friday. But as best friend shouldn’t be just one, I should chill out and put my head on the shoulder of others over here.
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I’m writing again - this must means that I am still coping although I feel fine.
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Oh ya, my dad started to insist me cutting of my hair. I guess you can’t just avoid people’s reaction of ‘uihh, balik UK rambut panjang!’ and basically it’s not a good thing. My bro asked me not to. But I had to go with my dad coz I need to meet my dean soon. So, take a look of some picture of me with long hair as it’s gonna get shorter soon.

[Picture 1: With Chris going on the underground. Picture 2: With Tahir in front of Buckingham Palace. Both are on 18th Sept, the day before I took my flight back later at night]

Sesampainya di sini, aku sudah tidak sesuai untuk terus mengekalkan ‘Jurnal Dari Pinggir London’ disebabkan sekarang ini sebenarnya - di pinggir Sungai Petani. Maka aku ubah tajuk kepada - Si Tenggang’s Homecoming, merujuk juga kepada karya Muhammad Haji Salleh yang kita belajar dalam komponen sastera dahulu.
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My emotion gone much better. I still feel a lil bit lonely although my family is here. Probably a phase that we all had to go through once a while.
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Selain daripada itu, aku cuba menghargai setiap saat yang ada di Malaysia. Kalau diikut kepada rancangan, aku akan sambung pengajian kembali pada awal tahun depan. Tapi, disebabkan bercakap itu lebih mudah dari melaksanakannya, maka aku hilang sedikit semangat untuk berbicara tentang hal itu.
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Soalan mudah seperti, ‘buat apa lepas abis Master’ akan aku jawab dengan ’sambung lagi InsyaAllah. Kalau boleh di UK juga’. Namun, aku sendiri pun dalam keadaan tidak pasti. Dengar khabar-khabar angin yang susah untuk ke UK kembali kerana terlalu ramai pemegang biasiswa yang ingin pergi ke sana. Kuota.
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Mungkin kerana itu dan sebab-sebab lain, aku tidak akan bercerita sangat tentang proses di antara habis Master dan permulaan PhD. Cumanya aku nekad, kalau apa-apapun terjadi akan tetap sambung PhD biarpun di Malaysia.
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Probably the uncertainties of what’s gonna happen next is what keep me feeling so obscured. Last time I came back, I was about to have fun. This time, it is about choosing the path of my life. Perhaps I need to remind myself of the life-lesson I’ve learnt back in UK - tawakkal - do my best and embrace of whatever come - I’ve simplified it that way.
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But hey, although my blog sounded so blue, I know I’ll be okay soon (hopefully). My schedule for tomorrow - go to SP market and get some lamb meat. Then I’m gonna cook lamb curry for my family for iftar (buka posa). Cool eh:)

I’m such a baby, I guess. It’s 3.10 am and everyone had sleep. My parent had to get rest before waking up again for sahur while my sis and bro-in-law had to recover to go to school tomorrow. My nephews are sleeping, probably still half excited with the console and DS that I brought back.

Me? I’m in the livi where 3 of my nephews and my sister’s student (who went along to pick me up in Penang Airport) are sleeping. What am I doing?

Bursting into tears like a half matured person. I just talked to Tahir and Chris via Skype and I can’t seems to stop crying. Probably I should be ashamed writing this in my blog, but I just need to let it out or else it will be worst.

I am not sure of why I feel such dragged down. Listening through Daughtry’s song - Home in the aeroplane before made me having teary eyes. Looking at Tahir and Chris’ picture on our last day together in London made me turn like a lil girl again.

And up until this line I’m writing, it has been falling down like a waterfall.

I feel twisted. It’s like I am not appreciating of me being back in Malaysia. It sounded like me wanted to stay in London more.

~~~ Break, wiping up

I don’t really like my London life. It was time where I had gone through hard edge. I was thinking of how hard it is for me to survive on my own, and dealing with very hard assignments and test which I did badly. That is some pointers of how I do not want to relive the life again.

But I guess it also teach me a very important life lessons - I wrote in previous post - and I am proud of what I’ve done although it was not good enough.

But the best part where I didn’t really realize it (until it’s gone) is how interesting my life was when I have friends to cry and laugh together - Tahir and Chris in particular - in the hard time especially.

I’m wiping my cheeks again.

It feels so sad to know that I won’t be able to go through the thing we’ve been through again - going out for food, staying up late for assignment, study and stressing out for test.

Aaah, I don’t know. Perhaps I am very tired. Probably that is what making me feel this way. Perhaps I am too sensitive.

My tear started to stop after last line. I guess I just need few days of mourn and I will be okay.

Just a short note. It’s 5.14 am in Tahir’s house (12.14pm Malaysia). I’m gonna leaving to uni at about 20-30 minutes. My flight back to Malaysia is at 10.00 pm tonight (5.00 a.m of Wednesday in Malaysia). Will reach KLIA at about 5 something. Stay there a lil while, change flight and arrive in Penang at about 10p.m

This should be the last post for my ‘Jurnal dari pinggir London’:)

I couldn’t express more of my gratitude for what God gave me of what happened for the past week. It is short but brilliant. Alhamdulillah. There’s a lot of things happening around me. Gonna give it in 3 part - travel, music and writing! Gonna make it short and simple this time (hopefully)

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PART 1: 7 days journey.
I left Tahir’s house last Saturday and I just came back from Dundee this evening. I went to Rome for 2 days and stay with Mahadi in Dundee for 4 days. 1 day of journey make it all a week of travel.

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Rome

I went to Rome with my friend Ben. It was an amazing trip. Go around the city and visit place of interest such as Colloseum, Fontana di Trevi, Roman Forum and Pantheon. It is like reliving the Roman empire as the building from the ancient time are still there. I won’t talk on much bout the trip. Probably someday later. Probably not. Just leave two pictures.

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First picture is in front of Colosseum a.k.a Colosseo. It is a very hot day and I love it.

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Second picture is in Roman Forum. Nothin interesting bout the pix except that I’m showing that I’m having a ponytail with my hair in Rome. Kinda long as I never cut it since I arrive in UK (Ada la potong skit itu hari waktu balik Malaysia, tapi mak potong ler blakang sikit jer).

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Dundee

After coming back from Rome, I took the cheap bus to Dundee. It took me 12 hours and I finally arrive there very late at night. But I finally met Mahadi.

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Basically I went there and become his UK study adviser. He he. Just tell him bout what should he expect and stuff and bring him shopping in Tesco. Heh, like he couldn’t do it on his own eh?

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Picture with Mahadi before going to his room. The story is simple. I told him - this is a nice weather. Not that bad. He told me, this is cold! Well, he just arrived a day before. What do you expect?

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PART 2: WRITING

Guys and girls, check out Dewan Siswa September Edition, there is one of my article in the magazine. Thanks to Emmy, she sent the article to be published and actually made some amendment of grammar part as well. So some credits should be given to her as well.

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Besides, Emmy also post my other article (which doesn’t appear on my blog) on Kelab Kompetensi page. Check it here (http://www.kelabkompetensi.com/english.htm)

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Kinda great eh:)

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PART 3: MUSIC

Awin (x-KMPP, x-UMS) requested for Umbrella in Malay version. I did it couple of weeks ago, but I didn’t advertise it on the net, so I’m not sure whether you who reading my blog know about it or not (Check out my solarstreak.com page).

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Not much interesting about it but I got a mixed reaction which kinda fun. One part - some people kinda like it, asking me for lyrics and stuff. Check out the comment on the YouTube (Click here).

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But on the other hand, some people are trashing it on Cari Forum (Link 1,Link 2).

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Got a total mixed reaction in Jiwang.

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I copied it and this are some of the comments:

Bleh tahan la…. :P, bapok ke apa ni?, wakakaka….tahap belacan betul…sapa2 laa yer…yg membapokkan nyanyi lagu ni, not bad la.. layan beb, mcm rich estranged muka dia, Nice one..creative..any oth song? hehehe, Pergh…bleh
tahan kreativiti dia, lirik pun cambest jek…video pun ada nilai
artistik.. Tp sayang sore x sedap langsung mengalahkan bapok…
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I was laughing reading all of this comments. Well, to bring something for people to love or hate is kinda cool, I guess. He he.

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To end this post, I ended up asking Chris, my German coursemate to type something on my blog. He goes writing everything in German, but you can use Bablefish to translate it if you feel like understanding it, or go and get a German course.

PART 4: Chris was typing!

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‘Okay, dann werd ich jetzt auch mal was in amris blog schreiben…
tja wo soll ich anfangen?! zuerstmal will ich mich auf diese weise bei amri und tahir fuer all die schoenen zeiten die wir zusammen verbracht haben bedanken. es hat die "harte zeit" unter den eltie-aussies wesentlich angenehmer gem8, da wir uns gegenseitig unterstuezt und quasi zum hoffentlich (insyaAllah) master gepusht haben…!! besonders zu erwaehnen sind dabei die marathon-sessions zu matthias assignments und natuerlich auch die dissertationsendphase…!!!
in diesem sinne vielen dank ihr beiden und ich hoffe doch mal dass ich euch beiden bald in deutschland als meine gaeste begruessen kann…?!

Waktu: 5.39pagi
Tempat: Dalam bilik
Keadaan: Bilik bersepah (rujuk gambar) tapi hati tenang:>

Birthday aku 2 hari lepas. 1-2 bulan sebelum tu lagi aku dah disable feature friendster dari publish the date. Just nak hav fun on my ow
n. I always love a very quiet day during my birthday, just letting the time flows, rather than doing party. Kawan aku yang birthday dia sehari selepas hari aku buat juga party dekat2 midnight. Aku pergi dalam kul 10 (kiranya waktu bday aku lagi ler) dan chow sebab nak balik habiskan disertasi.

Oh ya, aku baru jer hantar disertasi semalam. Ada benda jugak nak kena adjust last2 minute. So, berjaga jugak ler semalam. Ni baru 2-3 jam lepas bangun tido dari rehat sbb letih sangat.

Aku dah pack separuh barang2 dan hantar ke rumah Tahir. My own Amazing Race will start today. Gonna be a long mission before I finally get home.

Ada lagi separuh barang-barang yang nak dipack. Selalunya kalau waktu macam ni di USM, ayah aku akan datang untuk mengangkut barang-barang aku yang banyak tu. Tapi kali ni lain sikit. Benda-benda yang nak dibawa balik cukup terhad sedangkan begitu banyak barang-barang yang aku beli di sini.

Last-last aku bercadang untuk membahagikan barang-barang lebihan untuk dibawa kepada Mahadi, nak bagi kat Khalid dan bakinya untuk direcycle. Banyak juga nota-nota aku. Aku sayang sangat nak buang, tapi disebabkan takde tempat nak simpan dan tak dapat nak bawak balik, terpaksa ler direcycle.

Okay la, it’s time for me to start packing stuff again. I’m praying for a safe journey home
[For itinerary , refer: Publisiti Murahan Di Kem BTN | My Amazing Race]